helicon_grove | Everyone gets lost sometimes

Entry tags:

verse: all that is gold

Everyone gets lost sometimes

Just weeks ago, if someone had told Edmund he'd think about giving up his kingship for some peace and quiet, he'd have laughed in their faces. It had taken some time for them to clean up after the battle at Beruna, their coronation following closely on its heels.

Today, the siblings had held their first council meeting, and it had gone about as well as expected, with several major hitches. Even Peter, usually so even-tempered had been getting increasingly agitated throughout the discussions. Susan had tensed up noticeably when it was decided Peter alone would lead a patrol along their borders to drive out the remnants of the White Witch's army. As for Edmund, he hadn't missed the thinly veiled suspicion directed his way when he offered to attend a diplomatic event in Peter's stead.

The meeting left a bitter taste in his mouth that would not did not disappear even after he entered the royal wing that he and his siblings shared. The rich fabric of his perfectly tailored tunic suddenly made his skin itch and the collar suddenly felt too constricting. Edmund stood in the middle of the richly decorated common room, eyes wandering over the tapestries, the paintings in silence.

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Somewhere along the way - or more precisely, after Peter led his army to victory in the Battle of Beruna - Narnians had seemingly forgotten that they put upon the throne four children. It was quite possibly the most logical explanation Susan could think of on why they were expected to go not only on diplomatic missions but to skirmishes which only the most skilled of men - or fauns, dwarves, whatever - should dare go to.

This was on the forefront of Susan's mind as she stalked towards the royal wing some time later after Edmund. She had half a mind to remind Peter that he shouldn't go to war because he was merely a boy and no one his age should even be thinking of leading battles (again), only she was stopped when one of their counselors begged his attention and led him away from her.

It was probably a good thing for she might need a bit of time in order to breathe and unwind and possibly avoid screaming her head off.

"...Edmund!" she said in surprise. Susan had thought she'd be alone here after all. "What are you doing here?"

His sister's voice surprised him from his moody thoughts, and Edmund turned around with a vaguely guilty look on his face, as if he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"Susan!" Edmund supposed he should have expected his siblings to find solace in their private chambers as he was doing. The meeting had been stressful.

"I was just..." He glanced around the room again. "...thinking."

She knew that look. Susan had been at the receiving end of that expression so many times it was almost impossible not to recognize it, no matter how hard her brother tried to hide it.

"Of what?" But of course, as soon as the words left her mouth she knew. There's a slight edge to her tone as she asked, "Looking forward to your journey to Terebinthia, are you?"

Edmund scowled, hackles immediately rising at the tone. His sister might be in a state after the council meeting, but there was no reason for her to take her anger out on him. He wasn't known for his patience, though he'd felt calmer since Lucy healed him with her cordial, and the meeting had used up every bit that he had.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means it's a foolish thing to offer back there!"

What was Edmund even thinking? As far as she knew Terebinthia was a compromised territory - neither Narnia's ally nor foe. In her mind this made it even more dangerous, considering whoever would be going there would be doing so blind.

"Really, Edmund, I dearly wish you'd think first before committing anything. It would only take you a moment. Honestly!"

"What else did you think we should do? Just ignore the invitation? The council members made it clear they didn't think that would be a good idea, if you didn't notice!"

Edmund crossed his arms against his chest defensively. Brilliant. From the council meeting to this. Granted, he and Susan hadn't gotten along that often back in London, but he'd thought, with everything that had happened, things would be different in Narnia.

"Of course not," she said quickly. Even she was aware that doing so was not the best of ideas. "Just that it might be possible for a delegation to be formed without any of us in it. Not you, not Peter, and certainly not Lucy and I. It's not as if we're the only royals in Narnia!"

...but that was the problem, wasn't it? It seemed that they were, which seemed only to aggravate the situation. "We could even probably send Mr. Tumnus, a dear friend of ours, to represent the four of us. Or even one of Peter's advisers. Anyone else might be better suited for it."

Just not any of her siblings.

Though Susan's reasoning made sense, there wasn't much they could do; at least one of them was clearly expected to go.

"Peter's got to lead that patrol, so he can't go. One of us has to stay here to keep an eye on things, and you know we can't leave Lu on her own. That means I'm the best choice.

Unless...you don't think I'm good enough to go?"

Who knew court politics could make things so complicated? It wasn't that Edmund didn't want to go. None of his siblings had been a traitor to Narnia. Even if Aslan had apparently absolved him, that didn't erase the guilt or the knowledge of what he'd done. The council obviously hadn't forgotten. Edmund needed some way to prove himself to his siblings, to the Narnians, and this was the perfect opportunity.

Susan shook her head vigorously. She didn't mean to imply she was questioning Edmund's abilities - though she supposed now that she thought about it--

"I think none of us is good enough to go." There. It was a stark enough statement, wasn't it? Susan sat on one of the chairs, feeling deflated all of a sudden. "We haven't even been at this for more than a month, but we're expected to do so many things at once...! Isn't this a bit... unfair?"

"Bit late to be thinking about that," Edmund said, wrinkling his nose.

His sister had a point, though, of course. It was a lot of work for them, when they hadn't quite figured out how everything fit together. Their subjects expected a lot from them.

"What if they think we're supposed to know everything already because we're the prophecy children?"

"It would be loads better if we're somehow equipped with all we need to know just because we're in a magical land, wouldn't it." She sighed, then looked down at her feet. Even her footwear had some jewels on it and wasn't that just absurd? Who even placed jewelry on shoes?

"Oh, why couldn't have Lucy found the wardrobe when all of us are a bit older? If we truly are the ones in the prophecy, then it shouldn't matter how old we all are when we find Narnia, should it?"

A bit of Edmund's old resentment flared up again. Lucy's cordial might have washed away the negativity that had built up in Edmund before Narnia, but it didn't erase his memories.

"That'd be fine for you and the others, but what if finding Narnia earlier is better for someone else? Things were all right for you."

As far as Edmund knew, Narnia had given him a chance to change. Who knew how much worse he would've gotten if they hadn't found Narnia just then?

...oh, that was awful of her, wasn't it? Normally Susan was mindful of the feelings of her siblings. Perhaps this was a testament to just how tired and affected she was from attending that council meeting.

"Oh, Edmund, I didn't mean--" Except yes, yes she did, and yet how could she deny the truth? Terrible things have befallen them in Narnia but it didn't mean they came out terrible people because of them.

She didn't know how to fix this, because just how could she anyway? Susan sighed. "I'm just-- worried. All the time I feel like there's danger lurking about the corners and, what if--"

--what if any of her siblings didn't come back to her? What if Peter never returned? What if--

"I feel like... I can't ever handle all this calmly, and the Narnians expect me to! It's just so absurd!"

Edmund stayed quiet for a moment longer, not out of spite for his sister, but out of surprise, in a way. Susan was usually the reasonable one out of their quartet, and to see her so worked up and apologising to him was still a sight he had yet to grow used to.

Then he spoke, finding that courage that had swept through him in the battle field. That same courage that had led him to confronting the Witch and destroying her scepter at his own risk.

"It is absurd, I won't argue that. But we're four of us together and we've already won one battle we thought was impossible." Edmund shifted, eyes darting away from his sister; he was unused to speaking so honestly in front of any of his siblings. "Why can't we handle this together?"

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Everyone gets lost sometimes

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